WARNING: There a few semi-spoilers in here if you are reading or thinking about reading these books. I guess this is just a rant because I Was suckered into reading this crap! So if you have read the books or don’t plan on reading them and need some reassurance that you aren’t missing anything- read on.

This may be one of the most over-rated things in history (Yes, right up there with M Night Shayamalan-a-douche bag). I know this is supposed to be a “chick” series and I’m a dude but oh my god was this series bad. The only reason I forced myself through it was because I have an hour to kill in the car everyday, and I held on to hopes that I would be rewarded in the end for the suffering I went through.

First off: I am sooo tired of everyone changing or inventing VAMPIRE RULES. Every new vampire story has a new thing that can kill a vampire and something that used to be able kill a vampire or hurt a vampire no longer does. If you don’t want to follow the rules, don’t write about vampires. This book changes the rules in so many lame ways! I’m not going to get too deep into this but the main one is that SUN LIGHT DOESN’T HURT THEM! All it does is make them glow. WTF?  

The characters were so BLAH! What there was to fall in love with and sustain that powerful love, I don’t know.  There were some intense moments at times but not enough to make this a good vampire series. There was some fun friction between the 2 dudes involved with the love triangle in the story but it all resolved itself too easily and quickly.  

With the exception of the 3rd book, each story ended with such an ANTI-CLIMATIC manor, it’s pathetic. Unfortunately though, the book with the most exciting ending also had the most boring plot. You suffer through so much boredom to finally get some excitement only to have that excitement end with a conversation- not action. 2 of the 4 books ended with these Ultimate police of vampires about to rip the main characters apart, but are TALKED out of it. You hear about how vicious and powerful these dudes are but then never see them go to work. The author does such a good job of building these dudes up but then never lets u see them in action.

Maybe the endings and were so lame because the Villains and their motives were so lame. The bad guy in the first book was a vampire (James) who came across the good vampires (The Cullen’s) and the human lead character Bella. The main good vamp (Edward) is in love with Bella and can read the mind of James. As it turns out, James thinks Bella SMELLS SO GOOD and will stop at nothing to get a taste of her. James sees that Edward is very protective of Bella and that excites him even more and makes his hunger for her unstoppable. LAME! I love trash plates, but if I smelled one that made me cream my pants, but discovered that I would have to fight a biker-gang to get that plate, I would probably move on to the next plate joint.

Luckily James wasn’t the bad guy throughout the whole series but for the most part the villains were pathetic.

Like I said before, I know these are books for chicks but I heard people call this the next Harry Potter. NOT EVEN CLOSE! Harry Potter was written by a woman but had something for everyone! The Harry Potter books have Love, humor, action, mystery, fantasy and more. It started out as a kids’ story, but as the characters grew, the audience grew with it. All these books have is a woman wetting her jeans over this vampire’s perfect face. BELIEVE ME when I say this chick says the words “Perfect Face” more times than Chris Brown punched Rhianna. We get it. There are so many more problems with this series but I wish to waste no more time on this crap than I already have.

I didn’t get it. I don’t understand the hype it got. The only thing I can think of is that I listened to the book and maybe the chick reading it ruined it for me. I doubt that’s it but I’m not about to pick up the books to find out. 

MARIOKART REMINDER…. You can play Mariokart Wii online with Lumpy, myself and other listeners by sending me your Mario Kart license number and your Wii console number to psherman@entercom.com.

Here are my numbers. Here are my numbers:Wii Console Number: 5746 - 0420 - 0894 - 8407Mariokart License Number: 0387 - 9252 - 6536Hope to see you online! Phil

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 at 9:14 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.